2012 was the year I woke up. The funny thing is I didn’t even know I was asleep. It felt very much like the last image in the film Avatar when the main character Jake Sulley decides to have his spirit transferred from his human body to his avatar. And we’re waiting to see if the transmission was successful. Then, all of a sudden, the avatar’s eyes pop open.
Yeah, well, that was 2012 for me.
In 2006, when I ended a toxic relationship, I thought I had changed. In 2009, when I quit my corporate job, I thought I had taken a risk. In 2010, when I decided to be a full-time entrepreneur, I thought I was creating a new life for myself.
This year, I realized I hadn’t really moved on.
I was still living in the shadows of those experiences. Still trying to let go. Still cleaning out my consciousness from the past. And I learned a lot in the process.
Here are 7 things I learned in 2012.
1. Fear is a Bitch. Seriously. It will keep you in a job, relationship, body that you DO NOT want. It will stall your life and make it unrecognizable to you. Sometimes, even the fear itself is unrecognizable to you. You think you’re doing the right thing when really you’re doing the cowardly thing. Summon up the courage to say goodbye to fear in 2013. Deep down, you know whether you’re living a life of fear or courage. Need to get in touch with your insides to find out? Do this exercise.
2. Old relationships die slow. I was in one of those relationships that should have ended long before it ended. It lasted for 6 years. It ended roughly around 2008 (yeah, it was one of those — lol). I thought saying “goodbye” was the end part of letting it go. But I realized this year, it was only the beginning. Letting go is a process that begins with goodbye and ends with forgiving ourselves.
3. God can do it better than me. Up until this year, I forced my life to go into certain directions because I thought those paths would make me happy. I bought a house, worked in corporate, dated, based on the logical assumption of happiness. And I pushed hard in those directions, only to realize happiness was eluding me. Giving birth taught me how to surrender in ways I never understood before. It taught me surrender is a power step in the creation process. It’s not a sign of weakness. So today, one of my only prayers is, “God, I give myself away so you can use me.”
4. Religion blows. But God doesn’t. I realized I was partly blaming God for the misunderstandings of his followers. Since I was a child, I’ve conversed with God like he was my imaginary friend. I guess you can say I was born strongly connected to spirit. So when someone criticizes me in the name of God, based on some scripture or sermon, I’ve gotten pretty pissed in the past. Now, I have made peace 100 percent with my beliefs and I feel confident I can raise a spiritually healthy child. I’m no longer ruffled by others perceptions of God or of me. I don’t go to church (although, maybe if I lived in California, I would go to this one EVERY sunday) but I reconnect to my own intuition every single day. Sometimes multiple times a day. And I live my life in the knowingness of God and spirit.
5. You can ignore it. But the Message will just get louder. I knew I was suppose to let go of my home years ago. I kept getting those gentle whispers that it was time to let go. Time to move on. But I kept thinking the home was my dream home. Only recently have I discovered that my dream was to buy a home. And I accomplished it. It’s okay to move on. Now, I dream of traveling, and the home is keeping me settled in a space that I actually resent. So whether I rent it out, sell it, or give it back to the bank, it’s time to let go and move on to a very real and current dream. I finally moved out of the home and started remembering dreams I had long forgotten. Now, I’m pursuing them, and it feels good.
6. I want to see beauty everywhere I turn. I’ve been called “unrealistic,” “a utopian dreamer,” and “too happy” all my life. And somewhere deep down I believed this was true. I believed my view of the world could leave me penniless and hopeless in a world that didn’t agree with my perception of it. Growing up in urban Washington, D.C. during the 80’s and 90’s definitely reinforced to me that the way I saw the world was very, very weird — to say the least. Now, I realize this is okay. To be weird. To be different. Now, I feel empowered by my view. It’s me. It’s who I am. And it’s what I was meant to offer to the world. I’m gifted with the desire for beauty everywhere I go. Everywhere I look.
7. We must make daily, conscious efforts to Live. Just like taking a breath is not breathing, having life is not living. We can breath shallow, necessary breaths or we can breath deep, oxygenating and energizing our organs, blood, lungs, and whole body. You see? Just because you literally have life, doesn’t mean you’re living. To actually live, we must commit every day to grab hold of our destinies, feel empowered by our decisions, and walk apologetically toward the fulfillment of our purpose.
2012 was, without a doubt, the best year of my life! I look forward to the adventures of 2013. Embodying these new realizations with certainly lead to greater joy next year.
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